10 Family Members Dawn Never Annoyed I : Butler
by Olympus - 117
Summary: AU, obviously. Dawn has a penchant for annoying the heck out of her Family. 10 What-Could-Have-Beens. Part 1 - "Butler, you remember your cousin ... Dawn Summers?"


**10 Family Members that Dawn Never Annoyed. I : Butler (Artemis Fowl)**

**Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer, Buffy belongs to Joss. I'm just playing with their characters for my own twisted amusement. **

**A/N: This is part one of a Multi-Crossover Series. Keep an eye out for the others. **

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><p>Domovoi, or Butler as he was more commonly known; narrowed his eyes suspiciously and killed the engine of the Bentley, his hand unconsciously drifting to the breast pocket of his suit jacket where he kept his Sig Saucer holstered.<p>

He opened the door of the luxury car, not bothering to close it as he made his way quickly and silently to the unknown car that was parked almost next to the front doors. It was a silver hatchback, obviously rented, and the doors thrown open, a large number of suitcases and bags visible sitting in the back seat.

Butler frowned to himself as he expertly conducted bomb check underneath the car, his mind whirling though the possibilities; Mr and Mrs Fowl were still out of the country and were not due back for several more days, which meant either Artemis was going on a spontaneous holiday, or they had a new house guest. Both were unlikely scenarios.

His curiosity now piqued; Butler went up to the front doors, and was reaching for the doorknob when suddenly they were thrown open and a small, blonde female crashed into him with a squeal.

Butler grabbed his sister by the shoulders to prevent her from toppling down and face planting on the doorstep.

Butler's eyes twinkled at mass of blonde hair in his arms, "Not that I'm grateful for the impromptu hug, but really, next time watch where you're going."

Juliet, in a very poor display of professionalism, poked her tongue out at him and slapped him lightly on the chest. Although 'light' was in context, had it been anyone other than her brother, they would have been knocked back several steps, not to mention be sporting an impressive bruise. As it was, Butler only smirked.

"The first time you see me in months and that's all you have to say?" Juliet mock demanded.

"Yes," Butler said with a straight face. Juliet shook her head disapprovingly, although her eyes said otherwise.

It was then that Butler noticed the two other occupants of the foyer. One was Artemis, dressed of course in his trademark suit and polished black dress shoes, his fairy communicator ring twisted slightly on his finger. The other one was a young brunette woman; she looked to be in her early twenties ... Butler stopped dead. Memories of fingers super glued to coffee mugs and centipedes swimming in his soup rose unbidden in his mind.

The boy genius looked up and gave a truly evil smile, laced with a smugness that Butler had seen far too often. Artemis gestured to the young woman.

"Butler, you remember your cousin, Dawn Summers ...?" he trailed off, his smile growing as he watched to older man struggle to control his normally stoic facial expression.

Dawn turned around, placed her hands on her hips and gave the big man a very obvious once over before quirking her lips. "Neat. It's been a while, hunky."

'Not long enough,' was the sarcastic reply that ran thorough Butler's head. The six foot, heavily muscled bodyguard's eyebrow gave a twitch. It was all he could do to restrain himself from repeatedly banging his head against the doorpost. Tempting as it would have been, it wouldn't have been professional.

"You don't make much with the talking, do you?" Dawn asked dryly, before smiling brightly, "Say, you kinda remind me of a sasquatch with the bigness and the frown and - hey, did I tell you about the time in Nepal ..." Dawn wandered off down the hall, still animatedly discussing his resemblance to an mythological creature with Juliet, who had a big, almost sadistic grin on her face. Something told Butler that he would be coping some serious teasing in the days to come. Oh, joys of family.

Closing his eyes briefly, Butler gave a barely audible moan of frustration. When he opened them, he saw Artemis standing by the stairs, still smirking.

He looked disapprovingly down at his charge, the silent question mark hanging in the air between them. Artemis simply smiled and shrugged nonchalantly as if to say, 'What?'

Butler raised an eyebrow, they were going to have words later about calling up distant family members, especially ones as annoying and ... Well, annoying pretty much summed it up - as Dawn Summers.

Still muttering dark threats under his breath, Butler followed his charge into the manor, shutting the solid oak doors behind him with a small _boom_; and why did that suddenly remind him of sealing his own coffin?

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><p><strong>Please leave a review and tell me what you think :)<strong>


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